i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
