god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
