Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
