they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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