oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
