I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
