What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
