I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
