Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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