And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
