We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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