She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
