Cold hands, warm shart.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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