'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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