I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
