she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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