i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
