In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who died my cat blue again?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
