best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
