it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found the puke drawer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
