it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
