Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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