your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
