Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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