hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i think im in europe. pls send help
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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