Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
