I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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