I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
