yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
my liver is dry heaving
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
