the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
