I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
