I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
