no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
