just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
