i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
