We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
