Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
