He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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