I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
