how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
worst night to have a conscience
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
