please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
