Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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