The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
