we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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