Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
