Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
