the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
