Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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