Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
