Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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