I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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