Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
