well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
